Today I’m going to share a few dreams of mine.
Not nighttime while-you-are-asleep-dreams. Those are too weird. ;)
Like the one I had once where Star Wars Storm Troopers attacked my house and there were bombs dropping that bounced like super balls….yeah. Weird.
Maybe instead of dreams they are more like goals…things I want to do and hope to be able to but am not sure if I can. So yeah. Dreams.
Probably one of my biggest dreams is to have a little farm.
A cute old house, a barn, a few cows and pigs and maybe sheep. I’d love room to have a nice big garden, a root cellar, a spring house (instead of a fridge). Space for the kids to run and play and get lost in the wonder of being outside. A place for our chickens to sleep and a nice yard for them to scratch around in.
Our chickens are loving being able to eat all the new plants coming up!
I want the farm to need a little fixing up, some love to get it back into shape. I don’t want a clean, new house and fancy barn. I want old, rustic, something with history and character. I’d like a place we can put our fingerprint on and make just how we want it and not be afraid of messing up with mud or dirt or if something gets colored on the walls. I like the satisfaction that comes with hard work, with knowing we made something better than it was, with our own hands.
This is a farm we passed somewhere in Iowa, on our trip from Tennessee to Washington.. I took the picture from the car, hence the blurry foreground.
Sometimes, I want these things so badly it almost hurts. So badly my eyes fill with tears when I think about it.
Then I wonder…
Why do I want these things?
So that we can produce most of our own food and not rely on the ever-increasing dangerous industrial food system.
Because I want our children to learn the skills it takes to run a small farm, and the responsibility that comes with such hard work.
Because I like having little animal friends that follow me around everywhere.
Because I really enjoy getting my hands in the dirt and cultivating it and watching plants grow.
A black bean sprout from our garden last year.
So we can have a place that our kids and grand-kids can come back to when they are grown and gather there and cultivate new memories.
So we can teach others about gardening and homesteading, and how to be more healthy and sustainable.
When I think of these things I wonder…
Am I being discontent with what God has given me?
I have a lovely sweet amazing husband, three amazing children and countless other blessings! We do have chickens living at my parent’s property and fresh eggs. We joined a CSA to get fresh organic vegetables. I have a nicer house to live in than we’ve ever had before and a great church family and my parents and two brothers and sister close by.
Am I being discontent with where I am right now?
In a neighborhood with round-up saturated green lawns all around me and soil that is polluted beyond use for a veggie garden…yet literally a million dollar view of the mountains and ocean, and a beach that we can walk to! And a deck where I could container garden if I made the effort.
Did He put these desires for a farm in my heart or did I?
Am I just being idealistic and trying to escape reality?
I don’t know.
I do know this, though: When my desire for a sweet little farm is greater than my desire for what God has for me, for our family-
Then I am being discontent.
Then, I am making it an idol instead of a dream.
Then, I am in sin.
Because no matter where life takes me, my greatest desire should always be for God.
For what He has for me, and who he wants to make me into.
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
And the smaller details of life are insignificant compared to the all-surpassing joy and freedom of knowing Christ.
Because He is my peace.
He is my Home.
He is my life.
No matter where I end up, or what God brings me through, that is enough. He is enough.
If I get my idyllic farm someday full of hard work and the sacrifices that come with it, that would be amazing. If I don’t, I’ll get over it eventually. In the meanwhile, I try to be hopeful and stay content with where I am. And when I fail, there’s God’s grace that can cover any sin, if I just ask Him. :)